So, What’s The Matter With The Guys On


Well, I had a very interesting conversation with my friend P., a fellow massage therapist the other day, and she told me about her first adventure with ‘’  While listening to her, I thought I had heard her story before (seems like many times before).  I remember how P. was agonizing for quite some time whether she should even get involved in the dating scene again.  Since her husband passed away several years ago, she really hadn’t been seeing anybody, and she had a healthy distrust of dating sites in general.

But I guess curiosity got the best of her and she put her profile online and, pretty soon, she met this guy and had nice email contact with him over several weeks, and they decided to meet when he was coming to town about two weeks ago.  Besides the obligatory discrepancies between photo and reality   :-), the nice email conversation turned into a somewhat awkward real life conversation pretty soon.  P. told me ‘He kept on asking me whether I had a secret I wanted to tell him.  And to tell you the truth, I didn’t know what to make of it because he kept repeating it from time to time.’  ‘Well, I guess he wasn’t satisfied with your answer,’ I responded, instantly thinking of course, that he was waiting for an answer reflecting the implied sexual reference in his question.  But my friend P., God love her, didn’t even think about such a thing.

Well, after not getting anywhere with his questioning, he decided to fall to sleep on the couch in his hotel room while she was sitting right there next to him.  ‘Well, that might have been a sign for you, that he had resigned himself to the fact that this was no ‘easy-sex-date,’ and decided to catch up on his sleep,’ I said to her.   🙂

So, when he finally woke up, she decided to call it a night and they agreed to meet for breakfast the next morning.  And with a little kiss on the cheek, she was on her way back home.  Next morning, right at nine, her phone rang and Mr. Unhappy said ‘Well, I guess we both realize that there wasn’t much of a connection and I had planned to at least get some action coming down here.  But it was pretty clear from the beginning that that wasn’t going to happen, so I’m actually already on the road back home.  Take care!’  And with that he hung up and left my friend completely speechless.

Here’s a suggestion:  If you’re on (or any other dating site) and all you’re looking for is easy sex, why not put it right in your profile ‘Male, 40, just looking for sex.  Only willing females please respond.’  That will take care of the disappointment (on both sides) and circumvent the unconscionable idea of dating when meeting on a dating site.   🙂


  1. cjw666 said

    I couldn’t agree more. The trouble is, even if the young and those of us who are a bit more enlightened think that straightforward honesty about sex is perfectly OK, in general, anyone over the age of thirty or so was brought up with the idea that you should at lest pretend to give a damn about each other before sex – silly and unneccessary in many cases I know, but there it is.

    Also, partly as a consequence of that, a lot of men assume that all women in “the marketplace” are looking for a deep, meaningful relationship, whereas, in truth, some are and some aren’t.

    Nevertheless, it’s dishonest and I’ve always tried to be painfully honest. Unfortunately, I often found that women could be untruthful the other way round, often believing that sex would lead to love, even when specifically told at the very outset that such a relationship was NOT on my menu. Ho, hum – it takes all sorts, I guess.

  2. […] was inspired to attempt this foolish enterprise by an item on FitWithAndrea’s Weblog about the experiences of a friend. The friend was apparently persuaded (rather against her better […]

  3. Lilly said

    I found your post after going to Chris’s site. Its like this, if men just want sex (and guaranteed that guy’s little secret was he was married as well) then why dont they just pay for it or go out to a club and get it. Plenty fo peopel looking for one night stands.

    Why bother signing up to an internet dating site and doing all the spade work to begin with. I totally agree with you. I hope your friend tries again – once bitten twice shy I daresay!

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