Posts Tagged Women

‘Secrets of a Massage Therapist’ by Andy Vogt Book Trailer

Check out the book trailer for my new book… :-).
Lean back, relax…and enjoy!!

‘Secrets of a Massage Therapist’ by Andy Vogt is
available in paperback on Amazon.com and
anywhere books are sold, and in e-book format
on Amazon Kindle and Barnes&Noble Nook.
Also visit my website:  www.andyvogtbooks.com 

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The Beauty Of A Woman

The beauty of a woman
Isn’t in the clothes she wears,
The figure that she carries,
Or the way she combs her hair.

The beauty of a woman
Must be seen from in her eyes;
Because that’s the doorway to her heart,
The place where love resides.

The beauty of a woman
Isn’t in a facial mole;
But true beauty in a woman,
Is reflected by her soul.

It’s the caring that she cares to give,
The passion that she shows;
And the beauty of a woman
With passing years only grows.

Author Unknown

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Sarah Palin: Still An Embarrassment? You Betcha…

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And so it makes three…..

After Republican Sen. John Ensign, NV, declaring one week, that he indeed did ‘have sex with that woman,’  his staffer, it was Republican Gov. Mark Sanford’s, SC, turn.  And he is still talking as I am writing this…  Erotic confessions about his Latin lover’s tan lines and breasts, and lines he may or may not have crossed completely with other women, and about hiking in Appalachia, or having sex in Argentina, or both…  And he’s still talking, to the point where one of his Republican brothers in SC wished in an interview, that he would just  ‘SHUT UP!’ Now, who could top both of those stories?  Of course, there’s always the  ‘ Sarah Freak Show,’  topping everything else!  And she didn’t disappoint.

And that makes three…  🙂

On a Friday afternoon, at the beginning of a long 4th of July weekend, probably hoping, it would somehow get buried in that news cycle, here was good old Sarah with her never ending Freak Show, announcing that she would not run for a second term as Governor of Alaska.  Okay, most people expected that.  But wait!  There’s more!  She announced that she would also abandon the governorship by resigning at the end of this month.  WOW!

I literally had to force myself to listen to the entire 18 or so minutes of her incoherent, badly delivered, rambling speech.  It was pure torture!  Republicans will have to decide if they want to continue to be associated with this darling of the know-nothing, loony wing of their party.  It’s pretty telling, when Republican strategists comment that it’s a bad sign for any politician, after giving a high-profile speech, if people wonder whether you still have a future in politics. Probably not a very successful speech…  Out of pure self interest, though, I hope she stays in politics and in the news for a long time to come…  🙂

As for the reasons?  I’m sure, we will find out soon what prompted this erratic behavior, whether it be a multi-million-dollar book deal, or a radio/TV show, or a brewing scandal.  We’ll hear about it, believe me…  over and over and over again…

Because there’s just no end to the  ‘Sarah Freak Show’ …..   🙂

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A Weird And Wet Date :-)

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My friend M. called last night.  Like me, she belongs to the ever growing club of women who are just slightly over 29…  :-), single and happy.  Unlike me, who has given up on dating altogether, until that special person comes around the corner (and I know it when I see him…  🙂  ), she’s still trying… and sharing her weird dating experiences with me…

For the second time now, she fell into the trap of a well meaning friend telling her, “I know this really nice guy, he would be perfect for you.  You ought to go out on a date… ”  After her last experience with that particular  ‘really nice guy,’  she told me, it would definitely be quite some time until she listened to any friends again. Well, here we are, just a few weeks later…

Mr. Nice Guy turned out to be a bit of a crazy…  In their very first phone conversation, he joked with her,  “The last time I was in a woman, was two years ago, when visiting the  ‘Statue of Liberty,’ “… haha…  Okay, I have a good sense of humor, and if you know somebody a little better, and are convinced that the person would think that to be funny as well, okay…  But in the first few minutes of a phone conversation with a woman you have never even met?…  Not particularly appropriate…  🙂

When she told me about it, I felt her hesitating already, even going on the date. And as a friend, I just told her to be careful and to watch out for any more red flags.  So, I guess, curiosity got the best of her, and she went on the date, which ended up ordering in Thai food while sipping on a glass of wine in his condo.  It didn’t take but a few minutes, she may have still been enjoying the spicy food, when Mr. Statue of Liberty decided to spice things up himself, and basically threw himself at her, trying to kiss her.  That attempt ended up licking her entire face, ears and neck.  I could hear in her voice that she didn’t particularly care for all that wet attention…  :-).  Naturally, I asked her, if she had told him, that she had already taken a shower that day, so no need for him to lick her clean…  🙂

Anyway, after another few minutes of him telling her that he thought they’d be married within a year, she decided, it was time to leave… and you guessed it… take a shower…  🙂

Now my question is…  I can see that licking can be a very erotic part of making love, something I certainly enjoy… :-), but on the first date… after a few minutes… all over your face… ???  Do men really believe that to be a turn on?  I guess, some woman at some point may have told him that she liked it, and now he thinks every woman likes it, and may have decided to introduce himself that way… I don’t know…  🙂

Oh, you guessed it…  No second date for Mr. Nice Guy…  I guess, he’ll have to visit the  ‘Statue of Liberty’  again…  🙂

I still know why I’m not dating…  🙂

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When Passion Takes Over …..

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I don’t know about you…  but to me, passion is the essence of life.  If you don’t have passion for life, for the people around you, and for what you do, what is there really to live for?  It would be a boring life indeed!  As for myself, the following has become my guiding light

Life Is Too Short–So Kiss Slowly,
Laugh Insanely, Love Truly,
And Live With Passion

But what do you do when that very same passion takes over from time to time, and be truthful now, we’ve all had these moments  (some more than others   🙂  ), when we did or said something which we regretted instantly, the very moment we opened our mouths, or sent a letter.  Unfortunately, once it’s said, written, done, it can’t be reversed.  And then the passion that is usually an asset in your life, all of a sudden becomes a big negative, and you probably wish, at least for that moment, to be just a little more dispassionate…   :-).

Well, I’m a firm believer in the notion that things usually turn out the way they are supposed to.  We may not realize it at the time when something happens, why it happened, but as the saying goes…  ‘Everything happens for a reason.’

You may have been in a situation where you lost your job, and at the time, that was very difficult to deal with, and may have caused you hardship for awhile, but a lot of times, a new, better job or a career change for the better, may be just around the corner.  The same is true for so many other instances.

Then again, if it involves other people, and you’ve done or said something hurtful in the heat of passion, trying to sabotage a wonderful friendship or special love, and then you don’t have any way to take it back, it pretty much depends on the other person and the relationship the two of you have.  Here also, if it’s supposed to be, it will be.  And if not, it was never meant to be to begin with, and it was good that it happened, sparing you future headaches and heartaches.

If you found that special person who cares about you, gives you goose bumps, makes your heart beat faster, and makes you laugh, don’t let pride get in the way, no matter what happened!  Don’t let anything, be it a misunderstanding, argument, or anything else, become too important, believing you can’t get over it. Yes, you can…  If you really care about that person, it’s always worth it…

Because you may end up asking yourself for the rest of your life  ‘What if… he/she was the one?’  Believe me, you will…

Here’s another little saying

NEVER  give  up
On  someone  you  can’t
Go  a  day  without
Thinking  about

Just some food for thought…  Life is too short…     🙂

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Food For Thought For Bigots, Racists & Homophobes …

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Some time ago, I had a very interesting conversation with a lady in her sixties.  I barely knew her, and this conversation took place over coffee after I had given her a massage.  Somebody was so kind to have given her a gift certificate, and she laughed when I called her a  ‘massage virgin,’  as this was her first massage.  She seemed to enjoy it very much and invited me to a cup of coffee which I accepted.  We had a very nice conversation up to the point when she started to rave about then President Bush.  Now, I’m always careful with clients, not to get into deep subjects involving politics or religion, because they often don’t end well   :-).

Anyway, I did end up asking her why she was a Republican as they don’t do anything for people like her, judging from her modest home.  Her answer, I have to admit, took me a little by surprise, and left me speechless for a few seconds  ‘Well, I can’t vote for the Democrats, they are the party of the Blacks…’

I want to leave alone for a moment whether that’s factually even correct, but I did understand what she wanted to imply, and it ended my coffee break very quickly.  In this part of the country, you run into open and hidden racism quite frequently, so statements like these are not at all uncommon.  And the truth is, if somebody is prejudiced, it often shows in more ways than one, involving race, sexuality, nationality, gender, etc.  Some people never seem to find a way to get past their narrow-mindedness, whether caused by lack of education, ignorance, being brought up in an environment breeding these unfortunate character features, or a combination of all the above.

I always believe  the best way to deal with people like that is for them being in a situation where they have to confront these prejudices, like the daughter bringing home a black boyfriend; the son telling his horrified and homophobic parents that he is gay; people who don’t like foreigners, all of a sudden getting neighbors from Mexico…you get the picture… Then their inner demons have to be confronted:  Do I abandon my daughter because of her black boyfriend, and what if she gets pregnant…will I not love my grandchild because he is mixed?  Will I disown my son because he’s gay; will I not speak to my new neighbors, just because they are from another country?  Just some food for thought…

Well, to make a long story short… I hadn’t seen this lady for quite some time, when I just recently received a phone call from her out of the blue.  She wanted me to work on her back because she was in pain.  So I went over to her house and gave her a massage.  While I was putting my stuff together, I noticed pictures of a baby all over her place…a mixed baby…couldn’t have been more than a few months old.  As I didn’t remember seeing them the last time I was there, I asked her about the baby  ‘Oh, that’s my grandson Michael, my little darling…’  and then she went on for minutes telling me everything about him, and how wonderful the father was, and showed me a picture of him, a very nice looking black man, and went on and on… I was listening to her with a smile on my face… It’s nice to be witness sometimes to people changing their tune when being confronted with reality… and I was very happy for her.

Now I wonder whether she voted for the Democrats in the last election….    :-).

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How To Shower Like A Woman ….. Or A Man ….. :-)

HOW  TO  SHOWER  LIKE  A  WOMAN:

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*Take off clothing and place in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
*Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.  If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.  Look at your womanly physique in the mirror, make mental note to do more sit-ups.
*Get in the shower.  Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.  Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage.
*Shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
*Wash your hair again to make sure it’s clean.
*Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner.
*Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
*Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
*Rinse conditioner off hair.
*Shave armpits and legs.
*Turn off shower.
*Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
*Spray mold spots with Tilex.
*Get out of shower.
*Dry with towel the size of a small country.  Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
*Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
*If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

HOW  TO  SHOWER  LIKE  A  MAN:

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*Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
*Walk naked to the bathroom.  If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her while making the woo-woo sound.
*Look at your manly physique in the mirror.  Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt.
*Get in the shower.
*Wash your face.
*Wash your armpits.
*Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse the snot off.
*Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
*Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
*Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.
*Wash your hair.  Make a shampoo Mohawk.
*Pee.
*Rinse off and get out of shower.
*Partially dry off.
*Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.
*Admire wiener size in mirror again.
*Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
*Return to bedroom with towel around waist.  If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the woo-woo sound again.
*Throw wet towel on her pillow.

….. TIME  TO  TAKE  A  SHOWER …..   🙂

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